FitDad.org

Being a dad, you get the “role model” part thrust upon you whether you want it or not.  I’ve tried to embrace it, but sometimes I just feel like a big fraud.  I think this is a common struggle for people who try to achieve and surpass crazy goals over an extended period of time.  In this post, I open the door to my personal struggle – maybe you can relate?

It has now been several months since my last post.

During this time I’ve probably done 50% of my workouts.  I’ve probably eaten reasonably for 20-30% of my meals.  I’ve withdrawn from my first Half Ironman of the year (scheduled for mid-April) and have lowered my expectations for my next one in July.  I just completed a Sprint tri with the slowest 5k I’ve run in 5 years.  I’ve stopped thinking in terms of competing to qualify and set PRs and have started thinking of how much easier things would be if I just stopped trying.  I’ve also put on about 20 pounds from where I usually would be as race season approaches.

Why has all of this happened?  Did I suddenly obtain a super-client that has radically changed my schedule?  Did I take up some new activity to keep me busy?  Nope.  I just stopped being so motivated.

I’ve accomplished a ton over the past five years – by any measure.  I lost over 100 pounds.  I increased my boys’ interest and appreciation for the value of fitness.  I’ve motivated literally dozens of people to change their lifestyle through personal conversations.  I’ve served as a “motivational photograph” for my coach and my doctor.  My “story” was featured by USA Triathlon as part of their Nationals coverage last year.  I completed an Ironman race.  I qualified for Long Course World Championships.  I’ve won medals in my age group in running and triathlon races.  I’ve stuck around to see my daughter and I’m not her “fat daddy”.

But the years have been a constant struggle too.  I learned early on that taking my eye off the ball for even a short time would result in decreased performance.  If I couldn’t swim for a few weeks, I’d almost instantly start losing time and capability.  If I missed runs, I’d run at a slower pace for same heart rate within just a few days.  My weight would go up 2-3 pounds a week every week in which I missed more than 1-2 workouts or ate a few “special party meals”.  How much do I care about performance?  Why was “I’ve got to get an Ironman done” so important to me, but “I want to do a fast 70.3 and go to Worlds” not enough to drive me to the kind of focus it takes to be successful?

And the struggle of being a fit dad is not just limited to maintaining my own fitness.  The “dad” part shows the same struggle.  What kind of role model have I really been?  Some of my family and friends have seen my example and followed wholeheartedly – building self-motivating tools that will remain with them forever.  But others have seen, acknowledged the value, but still do not prioritize fitness.  I try to push, to encourage, to support, but ultimately I have recognized that I must be fit for myself – others can see and will do what they will do.

This makes me tired.

I love to motivate people, but I honestly cannot help but feel like a fraud when it comes to being “Fit Dad”.  Good idea – poor execution.  I don’t know if true “fit dad” status is supposed to yield self-motivated, encouraged friends, kids, followers, etc… maybe I simply have set the bar too high and shouldn’t get frustrated.  But I have NOT felt like anyone’s role model lately and am not sure if this journey is too arduous for me to continue.

I have not asked for much from my readers, but here is one where I would love to hear your comments.  Are my goals for “truly motivated” readers unrealistic?  Have any of you been motivated to personal changes?  Why should I keep spending time on this?  When it’s 6:30 and I can either go to the gym for yet another weight/swim combo, OR have a nice breakfast and get to work early and land some new clients, WHY should I make the gym choice?  My choice isn’t encouraging my family to make that kind of choice.  If it’s “just for me” then maybe it isn’t enough.

What do you say, readers? Have you ever felt like others viewed you as a role model, but you felt like a fraud?  If you want to offer encouraging words but don’t want to post publicly, just email me at kjramaley on gmail.com – I’d love to hear from you.  My next blog post will vary wildly based on how this all works out…  I wish all of you the best and thanks for walking with me on the journey so far.  I feel like I’ve hit a huge, bare rock face with no obvious ascent path.  I’ve come pretty high, though… maybe it’s time to stop climbing and just enjoy the view.

Last week I got to have the wonderful experience of doing the Walt Disney World Wine and Dine Half Marathon with some good friends.  It was a fun race, despite the driving rain.  I actually did manage a PR (by 4 seconds!) and am feeling very good about my Half Marathon Speed!  Next goal is to try for the “Fast Person” corral at the Cooper River Bridge Run by running sub-45 in the 10k Turkey Trot in a few weeks.

What does this have to do with the title of the post?  Well, the 13.1 PR sure FELT a lot faster than it turned out to be.  But of course my GPS watch also reported it as 13.3 miles.  That extra 0.2 miles is about 1:35 worth of time!  Big difference from a PR perspective, eh?

Now, I have NO idea whose data is more reliable.  The course is certified and all that, but there are lots of websites claiming that the course was a bit long (I googled it!).  Plus the WAY it misread was very unusual – the mile marks were exactly in sync thru mile 10 but then mile 11 (marked on the course) showed up at 11.2 on my watch.  The whole error being in one mile seems odd, doesn’t it?

Another tricky data point is on Heart Rate Data.  I use my favorite watch – Garmin 910XT – to measure HR data, but every now and again you will get erroneous data from this device (although I improved it a lot by changing the HR strap to the Polar one with the Garmin transmitter).  But of course in the “heat of battle” you just have to go by your perception.  The feeling of running “hard but not too hard” is one that comes with time and I think is a big part of what run training is all about.

Ultimately when you work out, you have to decide if the devices are in charge, or you are.  And when the data doesn’t seem to jibe with what you feel, who you gonna believe?

(TOP SECRET TIP:  I almost always believe the devices!  But the “feel” thing is a great concept, isn’t it?)  Have a Fit Dad Day!

And now we are in the fall season.  Every year since this started I’ve had a “big deal” race in the second half of my season that I was trying to “peak” for.  I did the Beach2Battleship Half Iron-distance race in 2011, Rev3 Anderson in 2012, and IM Arizona last year.  But this year my only half-iron race was in June.  I’d planned to do another one this fall but “life got in the way”.  The only problem with being your own boss is that any minute you’re not working directly impacts your bottom line.  I need to be spending time selling consulting and training services, not preparing for a long triathlon, so here I am…

But what is my next challenge?  After failing to qualify for Worlds in June, I needed something to look to.  Of course there is 2015 – and I am still planning to have a great season next year, but that’s somewhere outside of my “motivation horizon” – so what can I do THIS year?  What will get me out of bed in the mornings and keep me focused?  I wish I could say “Well, since I know I’m a role model that’s always motivation enough”, but that wouldn’t be true.  I need a race or athletic challenge in addition to all of that.

So… I’m doing the Disney Wine and Dine Half Marathon in November and the Kiawah Marathon in December.  That means that between now and then I’m training like a single-sport athlete.  More running than I used to do and less bike, swim, and weights.

But somebody forgot to tell my ego about that.

I’m doing one swim workout a week and suddenly workouts I was doing in May are impossible.  I’m missing intervals and getting winded in the pool faster than ever.  I sent my coach a note complaining about the “discouraging workouts”.  He sent a great reply reminding me that I’m not training like a swimmer now.  I’m getting in the pool occasionally, sure, but I’m going to lose some swim fitness.  It’s all part of the plan.  But my run efficiency is improving, isn’t it?

And that is a key for me.  Every time I have a tri, I’m always thinking about how I can have my best swim ever, my best bike ever, and my best run ever.  That’s the multi-sport mindset that keeps me going.  But I’m not doing tris right now, am I?  So I better readjust my expectations to go along with my readjusted training plan.

And this gets to my latest big learning – just like I was OK being bottom 20% of athletes at USAT Olympic-Distance Nationals in August (because I am not a short-course athlete!), I have to be OK not setting swim PRs in the pool while I’m training like a runner.  You set your goals and commit to them – and then you can’t worry about failing to meet other non-goals.  If it’s a non-goal, who cares anyway?

So in 2015 I’ll be back to tearing up swim and bike courses, along with my newly-revamped run!  But for the rest of this year, I’m a runner and excited to see what I can do!

Dearest readers,

I have kept you hanging far too long on this topic and so here is the long-awaited part 2 of my post on attitude.

First a quick public service announcement:  The last month has been crazy for me as I’ve focused on preparing for the USA Long Course Triathlon National Championship.  You can track my progress at the Grand Rapids Triathlon website .  I believe my race number will be 5342 but you can also search for my last name “Ramaley”.  I am in the Half-Iron triathlon race.  I think there will also be live video at the finish should you be inclined to watch some tired people crossing the line!

OK, now on to our topic of the day – ATTITUDE Part 2.  In the last post we discussed two key concepts – Internal Focus and Positive Belief.  These are the key strategies that will allow you to achieve extraordinary success in training, or nearly any endeavor you attempt.  Today’s post will take us to a more tactical sphere – the mini-battles that rage every time you get out and try to execute your plan.

I don’t think I have ever done a workout where I didn’t at some point want to quit.  There.  I said it.  I “enjoy” working out, but it still hurts and my body likes to avoid pain!  A real-time feed of my brain on a 10 mile run would be filled with these kinds of sentences: “How much longer till the walk break?  Maybe I can start walking 30 seconds earlier this time”.  “What if I just did 8 miles today – that’s still pretty good, right?”  “It’s hotter than usual so if my coach knew that he never would have given me 10 miles – I should adjust.”  “I’m doing pretty well on these hills – since it’s so hilly 9 is enough, right?”

Dearest reader, I have a secret for you:  Sometimes the voices WIN the negotiation and I do quit my workout early.  I think everyone has these voices in every endeavor.  And I’ve never met anyone so mentally tough as to always win those battles with “THE VOICE”.  But I win most of the time.  A vast majority of the time, the counter-arguments prevail.  After all, I don’t HAVE to do the workout.  I don’t HAVE to do anything.  But I WANT to achieve things, don’t I?  I WANT to get to the World Championships.  I WANT to lose pounds and body fat.  When I’m really suffering I may even question how much I want those things too, but not too often.  That’s what being driven is all about.

Of course, this kind of negotiation is not specific to running.  Same thing riding, swimming, or especially lifting weights.  My coach always prescribes a range of weights to lift – like 12-15 reps.  This range is VERY important for me because it signals when I’m ready to increase the weight.  If I can do 15 each set for the number of prescribed sets, then I will increase the resistance level next time.  Do you have any idea how difficult it is to do the 15th one on the final set?  Not only am I working hard, but I realize that if I succeed I will make things harder on myself next time.  But THAT’s what motivates me.  That ONE more rep is the key to moving me to the next level. The purpose of the first 14 reps was just to get me to that one 15th rep that can be the key to reaching my goals.

What are your reps?  What is the hard thing in your life that you need to overcome a million times, on a micro level, in order to truly achieve?  Nobody is watching.  The world will never know if you win the constant mini-skirmishes.  But you will know and your results will reflect it.

As I go into my big race this Sunday I will be thinking of all the power and strength I derived from winning all those tough mini-battles.  I can’t control how fast the competition will be, but I can know that I did everything to give myself the best race possible.  Wish me luck!  Race report coming next week!

FitDad

When I learned there were over 100 people in my age group fighting for World Championship qualifying spots, I had a choice:  Get distressed or get faster.  The facts remain the same, but my attitude would determine a radically different path for the next month as I prepare for Nationals in Grand Rapids, MI.

How many times do we find ourselves in unexpectedly challenging circumstances?  How often do we truly use them as an opportunity to buckle down and improve ourselves even more vs. allowing them to deflate us?  It’s NOT about “optimism” vs. “pessimism”.  It’s about drive and true belief in a few key concepts.  Attitude is so important to training, accomplishing weight loss, or even living that I want to get this all out in two parts.

I promised last time that this post would unveil my SECRET.  Yep.  This is it all right.  The SECRET to weight loss.  The SECRET to improving physical condition or results.  The SECRET to success at nearly anything.   It all comes down to how you respond when things are tougher than you thought they would be.

Key concept #1:  When you believe things are impossible, they definitely are – for you!  Henry Ford famously said: “Whether you think you can or you think you cannot, you are right!”  And of course HE was right!  If you curl up in a ball, or throw up your arms and declare the situation to be hopeless, it IS hopeless.

Once you determine that you CAN succeed, you have to figure out how to do that, which leads directly to key concept #2.

Key concept #2:  If you get better at the ACTUAL SKILL you are trying to improve, the results will definitely follow.  But when you chase results, it always catches up with you and you come crashing down.  This is a HUGE lesson that I learned as a youth.  I was a chess player in High School and wanted to get a nice high rating.  I spent hours figuring out ways to “game the system”.  I could arrange matches against people I knew to be over-rated; therefore, when I had good results against them I would disproportionately improve my own rating.  Well that works out quite well – but doesn’t ACTUALLY improve my SKILL.  I learned that when I found myself with a too-high rating and getting crushed without understanding why.

When my focus shifted to actually improving my game, without regard to rating, I established the kind of base that would yield results.  This is the same with athletic (or any other pursuit).  The bottom line is that my best path to qualifying for the World Championships is not to figure out opponents and their weaknesses, but rather to actually improve my ability to swim, bike, and run efficiently and faster!  And of course that’s what I’m doing.

You can do that too -build the best engine you can – focus internally – and the results will surely come.  My coach has said “Trust your training, trust your coach, trust your taper, trust your nutrition.”  Those are the things you can control that get you ready – the results will follow!

In Part 2 we are going to discuss Attitude during individual training sessions and how it makes the impossible possible.